That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
