Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
