'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
