How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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