In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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