i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
