someone owes me an orgasm
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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