Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
