I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
