I am puke
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
