i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
