Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
