she was so not down for the gang bang
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
