i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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