I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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