When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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