I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
