I want to stick my p in your. b.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize