Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
