It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
