you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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