if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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