Umm I'm too high to move.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
