I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
