he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
