Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
