marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
