I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
