well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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