I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
