life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
