Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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