I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
