Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We talked him into tasing himself.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
