Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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