She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
