My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
