1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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