I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize