hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
