he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize