no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
please don't ironically join a cult
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