soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
