omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize