We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
