I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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