dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
