Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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