I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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