never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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