dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
