fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
