And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
