apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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