So drunk, too bad you don't want this
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We named our party play list daddy issues
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
