apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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