So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
