i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize