He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
