this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
