There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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