He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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