What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
