Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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