Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
