return my video game
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
