I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
fuck your aforementioned shoe
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
