I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
