shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
