I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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